windandstorm | (no subject)

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While the movie was on, it hadn't been so bad. It wasn't a silent experience, by any means (when Duo involved, it rarely was), but comments were directed toward the screen instead of each other, and any silence was easily filled by the film continuing on. Once it ended, it was harder to keep himself distracted from the fact that things were off-balance, and that made it harder to pretend that they weren't. It was a stupid cycle, but he wasn't going to let the fact that he'd asked about something he probably shouldn't have screw up their friendship. Especially since it hadn't. Not yet.

It wasn't the asking that was causing the problem, it was the fact that things seemed different, but they weren't different, not really, and that was seriously throwing Duo off. It would almost be easier if Heero had been angry, if only because then Duo's nervous energy could be used trying to fix things instead of trying to not mess things up by anticipating nonexistent issues. He was trying to ignore all of that, though, so he just leaned back in his seat and stretched. If he acted like there wasn't anything wrong, there wouldn't be anything wrong... right? "That one wasn't terrible. Told you I could find a good movie if you gave me another chance."

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"Look, maybe I should go." Preferably before he stuck his foot in his mouth. Again. "We finished the movie, right? We can do lunch on Tuesday or something and I'll definitely be better."

I'd rather you didn't, but, "If that's what you want to do," Heero responded quietly, with another sigh. He paused, then added, "I just... would like to understand what it is you're talking about. What part of... you-being-you is..." he couldn't even finish that thought.

Duo just shook his head. He could hardly explain it to himself, so there was no way he would be able to explain it to Heero. He halfheartedly waved at Heero and left.

He wasn't gone for an extremely long time — three hours, tops — but it had done wonders for his sticktuitiveness. Howie was right; this was something worth fighting for, and he couldn't just push it all aside. He risked pushing Heero aside, too, and he couldn't... do that. He could hardly think it, the idea made something in his stomach clench and breathing difficult. When he got back, he spent almost a full minute just staring at the door, his mind somehow both blank and filled with every way this could go wrong, everything he could say that would make things even worse than they already were. Even when he shook off the paralysis enough to raise his hand to knock, he couldn't go through with it. He finally just opened the door, not trusting himself to wait outside between the knock and Heero's answer and not sure why he found the idea such a difficult one.

He stopped when he was in Heero's line of sight, a good distance away. "Heero."

Heero was half-asleep on the couch, Tool quietly playing in the background from his laptop, so the door suddenly opening shocked him a bit, especially since he didn't think Duo would be returning today. But before he even saw Duo, he could recognize his best friend's stride anywhere, so that at least kept him from defensively leaping up.

He regarded Duo evenly when he finally did see him, moving to sit up properly, trying not to look as confused as he felt. "Duo."

"I'm... going to try to explain something, okay?" He took a few steps closer. "But you have to promise to wait until I'm done, or I'll get sidetracked and then I might not say it."

That was... a weird request, but given the way things were going, Heero shouldn't have been too surprised. He said nothing, just nodded and moved to turn off the music. When he returned to his seat, he looked up at Duo and just waited.

"Alright. Um. I'm sorry. I've been acting like an idiot, and I don't know why except—" He stopped himself before it could turn into a ramble and tried again. "No, that isn't true. I do know why." He stared at a point just above Heero's shoulder, needing to see Heero's expression for reassurance, but needing to finish more than that, and finding that point a workable compromise between the two. "I'm scared. Because you're my best friend, and... that should be enough, but it's not. And if I... try to change it, then it might mess something up, and..." He stopped again, closing his eyes. "I'd like to try it. Dating." His eyes opened and he gave Heero a slightly panicked look. "If you want to, I mean. If you don't, I totally understand, and I can just... go and stay in Howie's basement for the next year or join Quatre and Trowa in wherever the hell they ended up and you won't even have to think about me again."

It hit Heero like a ton of bricks, and that was putting it lightly. I'd like to try it. Heero could barely wrap his head around it. He felt his jaw drop slightly, his heart jump nearly out of his chest...

Unfortunately, he also felt his mind go in two completely opposite directions. He could almost feel the crumbling of the metaphorical wall he'd built to seal away and banish his feelings for Duo years ago, but a small part of him still had those warning bells going off, repeating everything he'd been telling himself to make sure he didn't mess something up by acting on feelings he never thought would be reciprocated... it was a mess. Where the hell had this come from? Why now? What the hell was he supposed to say to this?!

He knew he had to say something. The ball was in his court, and he didn't want to just drop it, but... He took a deep breath, shook his head sharply, and took a moment to just close his eyes and think. He had a miniature speech prepared, but apparently his instincts had another idea, because he only managed to ask, "You... really?"

"Yeah. Definitely." Duo wasn't completely sure which part he was reaffirming, but he was sure that whatever it was he'd meant.

"Duo..."

Heero paused, bit his lip... the truth needed to come out first. At least, he was pretty sure that was the right answer. Then, maybe... "Did... you know that I used to have feelings for you?"

Used to? Just answer the question, Maxwell. "No, I didn't."

Heero nodded. "Yeah. Years ago. ... I thought it could never happen, so I forced myself to stop thinking about it. I guess I never fully got over it. Especially lately, for some reason or another. I've been thinking about it again. A lot. And until just now, I had no idea that you..." He was rambling. Imitation was the sincerest form of flattery? Language and tone between two people who are close become more in sync as time progresses? Something like that. Maybe. Now he was thinking too hard about it.

He looked up, trying to make eye contact if Duo would let him. "I'd... like to try, too."

His relief was a physical sensation, and Duo had to move to rest a hand on the couch or risk falling over. "Good," was the best he could manage, along with a somewhat goofy smile.

Heero was still baffled, mostly floored, and more than a little bit unsure of what had just happened exactly... but he smiled at Duo anyway. He couldn't help it.

"Sorry. For..." He tried to find words. That failed. "Just... sorry."

Duo nodded. "Okay, we're both sorry. Does that mean we're okay?"

He nodded, almost laughing a little. "Yeah. More than okay." And just saying that made him smile a bit more.

"Okay." After a short pause, Duo moved to sit on the couch with Heero, still smiling. Suddenly, he laughed. "Hey, you owe me one."

"Hah." Heero's smile turned to more of a smirk, as he rolled his eyes. "For what?"

"Touching your computer before I said you could." He nodded to the offending object.

"That doesn't count," he answered, "you left. In fact, I never agreed in the first place."

"Yeah, sure, doesn't excuse the fact that you lost," Duo said, not far from crossing the line out of teasing and into flat-out laughter.

"You can't lose when there was no competition established in the first place." Heero was trying to put some warning behind the look directed at Duo, but it was difficult... especially considering Heero was on the verge of laughing a little himself.

"And why not?" Duo managed after a moment, still not laughing, but grinning hugely.

Heero raised an eyebrow, and opened his mouth to answer, but... thinking about it, he couldn't think of a way to counter him that he hadn't used already. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Nice try. I owe you nothing."

Duo laughed and poked Heero's shoulder. "That's what you think."

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